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Blog post#12: Excessive Goosers

11/1/2024

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In this blog post… Famous goosers in rock history. Good goosing versus goosing gone too far. Avocado Disappointment and Victor Movlove. Bob Marley and The Wailers, starring Family Man. How to cure a bad case of goosing.

In his autobiography, jazz legend Miles Davis mentions a player who ‘gooses” the rhythm. Goosing is a slang term which means pinching another person’s buttock in order to hurry them up. The gooser, in a musical sense, is a musician or a singer who plays slightly ahead of the beat, and this has the effect of accelerating the tempo of the band as a whole.

A
gooser can be of two kinds: a player who occasionally plays notes too impatiently (e.g., due to getting overly excited at choruses or crescendos) or a player who consistently plays every note slightly early (a.k.a. playing on top of the beat).

The other players in the band can try to ignore
a gooser and maintain the original tempo, but the rhythm will then seem like it is slowly deflating. The music’s vitality will start to drain away. Realistically, once a musician plays even one note slightly ahead of the beat, the other band members must react. They have to follow the gooser and step up to the new, faster tempo he or she has set. The gooser may then goose again, and the other musicians will have to step up again, and so the cycle continues, with the song getting faster and faster...

Having a gooser in the band is not necessarily a bad thing,
especially when playing energetic rock music. Keith Richards of The Rolling Stones is a famous gooser of the tempo. Live and on studio recordings, you can hear him dragging the rest of the band along behind him. Charlie Watts, the band’s drummer, was a master of following Keith’s every acceleration. Take a listen to the original version of Honky Tonk Woman. The cowbell and drums start off the song at a steady 111bpm. Keith’s very first guitar lick is impatiently played and this immediately gooses the tempo up to 113bpm. Then the roller coaster ride begins... The song reaches 118bpm by the end of the first verse. A lot of acceleration then happens during the first chorus. By the end of the song, the band are playing at 126bpm. Quite an increase in tempo! (A 14% increase.) The song is a classic though. It has loads of energy because of the continual acceleration and it sounds great.

O
ther great performances that are goosed and which accelerate considerably:

  • You can’t always get what you want (live), from The Rolling Stones’ Rock and Roll Circus. Starts at 80bpm. Ends at 98bpm. A 22% increase in tempo.
  • Roundabout, live at the Rainbow 1972 by Yes. Starts 129bpm. Peaks at 148bpm. 15% increase.
  • Rock me Baby, live at Monterey 1967 by The Jimi Hendrix Experience. Starts 147bpm. Ends 162bpm. 12% increase.
  • Common People, Glastonbury 1995, by Pulp. Starts 136bpm. Ends 168bpm. 23% increase.
As an aside… Most studio music is made to a metronome (click track) today. Many professional performers now also use a click track when playing live. It’s refreshing to hear the songs listed above which were played without a click track. The flexibility in the tempo makes the music more human, and more energetic and alive.

Goosing becomes a problem when it is excessive and when the other musicians have a hard time keeping up. An amateur musician or singer may get
overly excited when they reach a chorus or a crescendo part in the song. Their intention is to give a boost of energy to the music at this moment. They hit harder, increase their volume (often a good thing) and push the tempo too fast in too short a space of time (NOT a good thing). The effect is the opposite of the one intended: the song’s energy is lost.

Another way goosing can be a problem is when there is more than one gooser in the band. In this scenario, tempos can get out of hand quickly!

Victor Movlove

One excessive gooser I knew was a bassist called Victor Movlove. We briefly played in the band Avocado Disappointment together. Victor was a tall, joyful guy and renowned gooser (only in the musical sense, I hasten to add). At one Avocado Disappointment concert, I began to play the guitar intro to Chuck Berry’s Johnny B Goode at the regular tempo, which is already fast, only for Victor to push the tempo so fast, it was impossible for me to play the solo I had planned in the second half of the song. Abort! Abort! I had to improvise a much simpler solo on the spot; one that was possible to play at the now ridiculous tempo. The drummer was also dragged along. He dropped beats in order to catch up and messed up drum fills which were now impossible to play at this break-neck speed. This was probably the most punk rock version of Johnny B Goode ever played.

O
n another occasion, Avocado Disappointment were recording a demo song in a recording studio. Victor Movlove laid down his bass line on top of a pre-recorded percussion track. The producer noticed Victor playing was on top of the beat and in the DAW (recording software) was able to move the bass back by a certain number of milliseconds relative to the percussion track. The track immediately sounded groovier.


How to deal with an excessive gooser

The gooser may not be aware they are pushing the beat, so it’s best to tell them: “Roger, you are f***ing up the rhythm!”, or words to that effect. You should probably sugar-coat the message a little. A fellow musician once told me that I was pushing the beat. His comment stung me. It hurt my feelings. After listening back to some of our recordings though, I knew he was right. I felt deflated. I then spent a month focusing on this aspect of my playing and I largely sorted it out. So, I urge you to tell it to the gooser straight, at the risk of offending him or her. It will be better for the band and for the gooser also (although, don’t expect to be thanked for delivering this message!) And, of course, make sure YOUR playing is on point before giving them the bad news!

Things an Excessive Gooser can do to improve


  • Record band rehearsals. Listen to the recordings and notice when a song gets faster, either suddenly or gradually. Listen for impatiently played notes that goose the tempo.
  • Work on time-keeping in general and on subdividing precisely at slow tempos. Use a metronome (the Gooser’s nemesis). Perfect slow tempo practice feeds into a musician’s playing at full tempo.
  • When playing with the band, pay more attention to the drums. Follow rather than lead the drums. (The gooser will need to know their parts very well, so they will have enough attention spare to focus on the drums).
  • At home, practice band songs at the correct, agreed upon tempo. Use a metronome. (If the gooser previously practised a song at a faster tempo than the band play it, this would have caused him to ‘hear’ the song as being faster, and so he would have a natural tendency to want to speed the song up when playing with the band.)
  • Set the metronome going and play one note on your instrument to every metronome beat. Try to play at the exact same time as the metronome beat (you may even obscure it, if your note and the note of the metronome are similar frequencies). Next try to play slightly ahead of the beat on purpose and then slightly behind it. Get used to the different feel of these three ways of playing.


Ultimately, if the excessive gooser doesn’t stop excessively goosing the tempo, it may be better that you let them go and find a replacement.


Another related aside… While gradually goosing the rhythm can give a lot of energy to a song such as Honky Tonk Woman, other classic performances slow down during the song and sound great nonetheless. For example, Stir it up (live at The Old Grey Whistle Test, 1973) by Bob Marley and The Wailers. Family Man Barrett, the bassist, pulls on the rhythm (plays very slightly behind the beat of the drums) and this gradually decelerates the tempo of the band during the song. It is interesting to listen to the start of the song and then skip to the end, to hear just how much of a reduction in tempo has occurred. The effect of Family Man playing slightly behind the beat is a very grooving, relaxed rhythm; the opposite of the ‘rocking’, goosed rhythms of the songs mentioned earlier. And certainly the opposite of Victor Movlove.

(Some musician and band names in this article have been changed to protect identities.)


Mark Baxter (c) 2024

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Blog post #11: Dadolescent Rockers

10/3/2024

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A Dadolescent Rocker is a guy who, after a Saturday afternoon spent choosing cushion covers with his wife, finally says enough is enough and decides to rekindle a teenage dream. He goes online and orders a brand new, cherry red Fender Stratocaster guitar from Andertons.co.uk. It’s an American-made one. A good one. Expensive. One like the pros play.

The Dadolescent Rocker’s goal is to recreate the muscular guitar style of certain famous players in the Classic Rock/Blues Rock genre. In rank order, the most-admired and emulated players are:
  1. Jimi Hendrix
  2. Stevie Ray Vaughn
  3. Angus Young
  4. Eric Clapton
  5. Slash
Following these players, in no particular order, are the likes of Kenny Wayne Shephard, Joe Bonamassa, Popa Chubby, John Mayer, Jimmy Page, Eric Gales and Richie Blackmore.


More than simply emulating these guitarists, Dadolescent Rockers (DRs) aim to recreate, precisely and in fine detail, the original versions of their famous guitar songs. The “tone” must, of course, be spot on: being a DR often goes hand-in-hand with a degree of gear-nerdery. The original guitar solos must be replicated note-for-note. Transcriptions of the solos are bought from online teachers. DRs often go as far as to recreate small mistakes the famous guitarist made on the original recording.


This insistence on attempting an exact replication of the original guitar parts always seemed odd to me for a couple of reasons:
  1. Often, the original guitar solos are WAY too ambitious for the DR’s current level. So, the end result is a bit naff, despite them often owning great guitar equipment.
  2. The idea of precise replication is against the spirit the original music was played in. Hendrix, Clapton and SRV never played their OWN songs the same way twice! Their much-copied guitar solos, for the most part, were improvised. While I agree that a period of imitation can be useful before starting to improvise or before coming up with your own guitar solo ideas, DRs rarely make that leap. They tightly hold on to playing the original guitar solos forevermore.

Other typical DR behaviour when first playing in a band:



  • Placing his amplifier on the floor next to his legs and then complaining that he can’t hear his own playing once the rest of the band starts playing. His ankles can hear his amp very well. The other players can hear his amp very well. Perhaps too well. As the DR’s ears are positioned five foot directly above his amp and in the shadow of its speaker, he keeps turning up the amp’s volume to hear it better, deafening his band mates, who in turn increase their volume to match, leading the DR to again increase his volume, and so on… A vicious cycle begins. A volume war! The trick is for the DR to place his amp on a stool, or tilt it up somehow and then stand further in front of it, so he can better hear it. Also, he can play around with the EQ rather than the brute volume control. He can try to find frequencies where his guitar sound can cut through the mix and be heard more clearly (usually this will be the middle frequencies for the electric guitar). Ultimately, the degree to which the DR will hear himself distinctly will depend on the song arrangement (see the chapter titled Arranging the songs).
  • Bending notes inaccurately. The Classic/Blues Rock genre requires guitarists to bend notes, i.e., stretch guitar strings to increase pitch in a way that mimics the old-time Blues singers. The DR has not mastered this skill. It is not just a case of arbitrarily stretching a string when the TAB (written notation) indicates a bend. There is a precision to it. Some bends, for example, a bend from the flat 7 to the tonic, require you to bend the string to an exact pitch. You can use a little vibrato at the top of the bend, but you need to vibrato around the correct pitch or it will sound out of tune. Other bends, for example bending the 4th degree of the scale, don’t need to end up at a particular pitch, but you should use a certain technique to get such a bend to sound good. Again, you can’t just stretch the string a little and think the job is done. The technique for these type of bends is to bend slowly to begin with, then fast at the end. And, the bend should be muted while the pitch is still ascending. All of this needs to be executed quickly. The technique takes a while to master, and it should be practised slowly to begin with. If I were to plot this bend on a graph, with the y axis as pitch and the x axis as time, it would be a hockey stick curve: a slow incline to begin, then a sharp increase. The line would stop while still ascending. Probably it’s better to listen to an example to get the idea. A good example would be the very first lick of Eric Clapton’s solo in Strange Brew (from the album Disraeli Gears, 1967). The bend happens around 1m20s into the song. Clapton bends the 4th degree of the scale and he bends it way sharper than it should be. He used the aforementioned technique though, so it sounds great: bend a little to begin, then bend strongly and cut the sound off while the note is still ascending. Don’t let the note descend at all before cutting the sound off by muting. Otherwise it will sound like a demented electronic cow mooing. This mooing is the hallmark of a DR’s solo.
  • Over playing. Composers of orchestral music never write a composition in which ALL instruments play ALL of the time. They make use of the full textural palette of sounds the orchestra has to offer by using different combinations of instruments and having some instruments sit out and be silent for periods of time. Even compositions for smaller groups of players, like string quartets, have instruments sit out and be silent for periods of time. Unlike musicians in the classical tradition however, the DR will NEVER sit out and be silent, not even for one second. When the song begins, he begins, and he only stops making sounds when the song ends. This can even include playing an extravagant guitar solo while the singer is trying to sing. In addition, there is often a lack of dynamics in his playing. For example, he won’t lighten up his playing during the verses and get busier during the choruses. He’ll just be equally busy the entire time.
  • Making noise between songs at rehearsals, thus rendering any discussion of the songs and their arrangements impossible for the rest of the band. It’s tiresome to constantly have to ask the DR in your band to stop fiddling with his instrument. This really slows things down at rehearsals. It’s super amateur behaviour. In the DRs mind, the rehearsal is his time to blast out and use his equipment to the full. He’s just having fun! He can’t do this at home, for his wife and neighbours’ sake. His noise-making in rehearsals between songs may take the form of general noodling or twiddling dials to perfect his ‘tone’. He may also tune up using a headstock tuner while his guitar is at full amplified volume. He could simply turn the volume down on his guitar to tune. This is band etiquette 101. Ideally, the DR should rent the rehearsal room for half-an-hour before each band practice, so he can set up his sound, blast out on Foxy Lady or Voodoo Chile and get it all out of his system before the rest of the band arrive.
  • Digging a hole to fall down. A DR will often play fully-strummed chords (several strings played heavily) and switch mid-song to playing a guitar solo (one string at a time played lightly) with no attempt to electronically adjust his volume level. By thrashing away while playing rhythm, and initially setting his volume to this rhythm part, the DR has set himself up for failure. This is what I call digging a hole to fall down. When it comes time to play the solo, the DR will have to hit his strings super hard for any of it to be heard. And even then, all that will be heard is the initial attack of each note, not the sustained tail end of the note. This gives his solo what I refer to as a “plink-plonk” quality, which is far removed from the soaring, stratospheric solos of a Slash or a Dave Gilmour, for example. Graham Stove and Mr. X, who were mentioned in previous blog posts, both suffered from this plink-plonk affliction. The cure is to bump up the volume of the guitar by several decibels for the solo. This can be done using the volume control on the guitar, although perhaps a better solution is to use a pedal of some kind. For example a volume increase could be gained by using a volume pedal, a clean boost pedal, an overdrive pedal, a pedal which switches amp channel or an EQ pedal.


Summary

DRs are new to the game. They may have played a little in their youth, but have only picked up the guitar again recently, within the last couple of years. Some DRs will advance to a good level quickly and some will not. If you meet a DR who is exhibiting the traits mentioned above, then perhaps you should avoid them in a band context, at least for the time being. A novice DR would rate around 8/10 on the musician toxicity scale. You’ll end up wasting a lot of time trying to correct certain aspects of their band playing and you’ll also waste a lot of time continually asking them to be quiet between songs at rehearsals, so that some discussion of those songs can take place. Those DRs who have already been in a band or two are a much better bet.




Mark Baxter (c) 2024




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Blog post #10: Arranging the songs

9/16/2024

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Most amateur bands copy the original versions of songs they cover note-for-note. Their aim is to perfectly recreate the studio versions of the songs live on stage. Even guitar solos, the obvious place in a rock song where a musician could go wild and do his own thing, will often be an exact copy of the original recorded solo. Or, at least, an attempt to be an exact copy of the original recorded solo.

However, there is one main reason why you should consider breaking away from the blueprint of an original version when covering a song. This is to change key to help the singer sound the best they can with their particular voice:

Transposing songs to different keys

Once you have considered your singer’s vocal style and approximate vocal range when selecting songs for the band (see blog post #5: Choosing which songs your band will play), you should now work with the singer to figure out precisely the key that will be best for them to sing each song in.

Have the singer sing through each song in different keys. Are low notes or high notes difficult for him/her in the different keys? Hone in on the best key through trial and error. You don’t need to do this as a band. You can accompany the singer alone on your acoustic guitar or keyboard in order to decide on a key for each song. On the guitar, this is easy: just use a capo on different frets and play the same chord shapes. Obviously, you shouldn’t put the capo on fret 11 to play when on stage at a gig (your guitar will sound like an out-of-tune mandolin), but you can do this when settling on the best key for the singer. If it so happens that the best key is when your capo is on fret 11, you can figure out afterwards how to play the same chords in a more comfortable position further down the neck.

In some cases, transposing a song to another key will not be possible. For example, when a song has an iconic electric guitar part using open strings, such as is the case with some Jimi Hendrix songs. Changing keys means the iconic guitar part cannot now be played. So, a choice has to be made: totally rearrange the guitar part (many amateur guitar players will resist this idea!) or drop the song and choose another. For the most part though, you will be able to change the key of an original song to better suit your singer. This is the sensible thing to do. As mentioned previously, the singing IS the song, literally. So, how the singer sounds should be the first consideration and the rest of the band should fit in around the singing.


Lengthening a song

Another reason you may want to break away from an original version of a song you are covering is to lengthen it. Studio recordings of the past were often limited to three minutes due to the constraints of vinyl singles and radio airplay. These constraints don’t apply to live gigs. And, often, if the band is grooving and members of the audience have started to get off their seats to dance, three minutes is a bit short. It will be disappointing for the dancers when the song ends so soon.

Here are some examples of how you might consider altering original versions
to lengthen them for live performance:


  • Gradually introduce instruments one-by-one at the beginning of the song. You don’t need to come out all guns blazing at the start of a song when playing live.
  • Create a breakdown section mid-song, where all the instruments drop out and it is just drums keeping the rhythm going. Or a section where one instrument and the singer play alone. Other instruments can then feed back in to create a crescendo which builds to the end of the song.
  • Create an instrumental section where none exists in the original version.

Ending a song

Even if you are planning to cover original songs note-for-note, some creativity will often be required at the end of a song. This is because many studio-recorded songs fade out to silence, something that is not easy for a live band to coordinate. Instead, it’s better that you invent some snappy, synchronised endings. Check out other live bands to hear how they end their songs. This will give you some ideas if you are struggling to come up with good endings of your own.

Avoid too many uncoordinated ‘drizzle out’ endings.
A drizzle out is when the band reduces intensity and slows down slightly over the final chords, perhaps playing these chords as single strums on guitar and single hits on the cymbals, before playing a final sustained tonic chord. The band holds this last chord for a while and then band members go silent at different times in an uncoordinated way. Perhaps the guitar player will have a last little inconclusive tinkle after everyone else has stopped. The audience is confused. Is it over? They don’t know when to clap. They may not even clap at all, due to the sad and uninspiring demise of the song. Drizzle outs are not big applause getters.

Crash! Bang! Wallop! endings are better applause getters. A Crash! Bang! Wallop! ending is a coordinated and snappy ending where all the players stop dead at precisely the same moment. The abrupt silence that follows shocks audience members and has the effect of an electric cattle prod spurring them into spontaneous applause, for some reason. This technique rarely fails.



If you will be performing your own compositions or radically different arrangements of other artists’ songs, here are some things to keep in mind:

Avoid too much predictability and repetition in your arrangements

Years ago, I played in a violin/guitar duet. We played background music in restaurants. One of our songs was Elenor Rigby by the Beatles. There are two different sections in the song: an A and a B section. Our arrangement of the song was a very unimaginative A B A B A B A B format. It was easy for us to remember this way. One evening, when we were in the middle of the song and had just started playing the third A section, I distinctly heard one diner seated close to me groan and say “Oh no! Not again!” Little did he know we were only a little past the halfway point of the song!

It’s best to break up a Verse/Chorus or A/B format. For example, you could play Verse Verse Chorus Verse Chorus Middle 8 Verse Chorus Chorus. (A ‘Middle 8’ is a contrasting section.) Alternatively, you could play Verse Chorus Verse Chorus Instrumental Verse Chorus. To avoid being too repetitive it’s best not to play a third verse after having played Verse Chorus Verse Chorus. The same applies to playing a third A section after having played A B A B. This is the curse of the third verse. Something different should occur after the second chorus/B section for the sake of variety.


Add dynamics

Many guitarists start playing at one dynamic level and maintain it throughout the entire song. There is no light and shade in their playing. No variation in intensity nor energy. When arranging songs, aim for all instruments in the band to have varying dynamics throughout each song. Have some instruments drop out for sections. Or have them play less notes or less heavily at certain moments. Make verses dynamically low and build to crescendo for the choruses (without increasing the tempo too much at the same time, which is a common issue when crescendoing). The band sound will then burst into the musical equivalent of glorious 3D technicolour.

Think frequencies

When arranging songs, think frequencies. Especially in regard to the vocals. If the musicians learn how to play the vocal melody of the song on their guitar or keyboard, in the same octave as the singer, they can then better make decisions about which notes they should play to stay out of the way of the singer. If the singer is having a hard time being heard clearly you can arrange the other instruments to give him or her some space. For example, the guitar player could play chords with reduced notes in them, rather than full-on barre chords.

A related point: if the singer is finding it hard to pitch their voice at a moment in a song, another player may be playing a note that conflicts with the note the singer is trying to sing. For example, somewhere within a guitarist’s chord, there may be a note one semitone away from the note the singer is trying to sing. Have the guitarist replace or get rid of the offending note in his chord in this instance.


Fills

I have played the song Hey Joe by Jimi Hendrix a lot in bands and at a lot of jam sessions over the years. The format of the song is two bars of singing (over the chords C G D A) then two bars of no singing (over an E5 chord). When there is no singing, the musicians can get creative and fill this gap, i.e., play a fill. In some renditions of this song that I have been involved in, ALL the musicians in the band pile in and start going crazy during the E5 part: they all play different fills at the same time. Some of them highlight the minor third (a G note). Some highlight a major third (a G# note). It can be pretty chaotic. When arranging and rehearsing songs, it’s best to figure out who will fill where.

What sounds good in your bedroom may not sound good in a band setting

For example, in a student band I was recently involved with, Censorious John and the J-Pegs, the guitar players started playing Rock Around the Clock using full barre chords strummed like a thrashy punk song. It had a lot of punk energy. You couldn’t hear the singer nor the walking bass line clearly. At home, when practising, the guitar players had probably gotten the most satisfying sound playing this way. Their chords included bass notes and their many strums produced a lot of energy and rhythm. They created a full sound all by themselves. However, when with the other instruments at rehearsal, this maximal way of playing was overkill. In the original Bill Haley version of Rock Around the Clock, the guitar chords use only the higher notes and relatively few strums every bar. It’s a sparse guitar part and it sounds great. The bassist and the drummer provide all the other stuff to fill the sound out. And there is space for the singer to be heard clearly too.

Be aware of what the other musicians are doing in your band. It’s okay to do a Phil Spector* and double up parts for a fuller sound. Often though, you’ll want to reduce the amount of notes you play for the band to have a clearer, less cluttered sound. Especially if you are playing chords on guitar or keyboards. You can reduce the notes you play both vertically (i.e., reduce the number of notes you play in a chord) and horizontally (e.g., reduce how many times you hit the chord over, say, two bars).


* Phil Spector was a producer in the 1960s, famous for his ‘Wall of Sound’. This was a technique of recording many musicians in a room, all playing at the same time. Often there would be a doubling or trebling of certain instruments. For example, two or three guitars. Phil Spector produced records had a dense, orchestral texture that sounded good through the speakers of the radios and record players of the time.


Summary

Even if planning to copy original songs faithfully, consider changing their keys to better suit your singer’s range. Consider lengthening each song. You don’t need to be constrained by the three-minute format when performing a song live. You will have to create your own endings to some songs. For your own compositions and also unique interpretations of originals, consider these aspects of song arrangement: variety (avoid the curse of the third verse), dynamics, frequencies, fills and restricting individual parts so they fit better with the rest of the band.


(Some names of individuals and bands mentioned in this blog post were changed to protect identities.)


Mark Baxter (c) 2024

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Blog post #9: Gearophobes

9/2/2024

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In this blog post… Graham Stove fails to tame HAL 9000. Blazing guitar solos vs. plink-plonk guitar solos. A sleek, red Ferrari vs. Charlie Chaplin’s car. Careless Santana and his tiny 5-inch speaker. Tambana’s gig at the yacht club. Dave Perry does an amusing impression of a microphone.


In blog post #4, we looked at a common character who you can expect to meet when playing in rock bands and at open-mics and jam sessions. Namely, the Gear Nerd. The Gear Nerd is obsessive about equipment. He must have the optimal guitars, amps and pedals. The gear aspect of making music is more important to him (invariably the Gear Nerd is a guy) than other aspects, such as learning how to play the chord G or how to play a C major scale.

The exact opposite of the Gear Nerd also exists: The Gearophobe. A classic example of the gear-phobic guitar player was a former guitar student of mine who played in one of the student bands I organized. The band was called Philosoraptor. The guitar player was called Graham Stove.


Graham Stove

Graham Stove owned a large guitar amplifier. It was a so-called modelling amp, with an LCD screen, lots of small buttons and many options in terms of guitar sounds. Unlike the typical Gear Nerd, who would probably spend upwards of 10 hours researching an amp before purchasing, Graham, being a gearophobe, had not researched this amp at all. He had simply popped into his local guitar shop on a Saturday afternoon and bought it on the recommendation of the salesperson.

Graham’s amp turned out to be a liability. It behaved in totally unpredictable ways and seemed to have a mind of its own. Sometimes, one of us would try to make a simple adjustment to the amp, for example lowering it’s volume slightly. The amp would then inexplicably switch to a different preset (sound). What had been a nice clean sound was all of a sudden transformed into full-on Scandinavian death metal. And then we would spend ages trying to find the clean preset again. I christened the amp “HAL 9000” after the disobedient computer from the film 2001: A Space Odyssey.

After wasting time at several rehearsals, I concluded that Graham would never get around to reading the amp’s manual and we could not rely on him to gain control over HAL 9000 any time soon. So, I suggested he borrow a more ‘normal’ amp from a fellow Philosoraptor band member for future rehearsals and gigs.

When borrowing this other amp though, Graham’s approach was similarly non-interventionist: he would simply plug his guitar into the amp and switch it on. Job done! Whatever sound happened to come out of the amp at that moment was Graham’s sound for the rest of the evening. No attempt was made to improve the sound to better suit the music we were trying to play. Even the simple controls (especially compared to those of HAL 9000) were too much for Graham to be bothered with. His “hands-off” approach caused two main problems…




  1. He sometimes attempted blazing rock guitar solos, like those in songs by Guns and Roses or AC/DC, using a totally clean amp sound with no sustain whatsoever. This resulted in a series of short plink-plonk noises in the place where the blazing guitar solo should have been. The effect was very comical. If I compare Slash’s Sweet Child o’ Mine solo to a sleek new red Ferrari, Graham’s version of the same solo was more like one of those Charlie Chaplin cars in the old movies: wobbling from side to side, the exhaust pipe going bang! and the steering wheel coming off in the driver’s hands.



  2. His guitar was too loud while the singer was singing and too quiet during his guitar solos. Graham played open-position cowboy chords for the majority of each song (i.e., hitting all six strings hard) and then would suddenly stop this to play a guitar solo (i.e., hitting one string at a time delicately). This was done with no attempt to change the guitar’s volume level to compensate for the difference. I call this phenomenon Digging a hole to fall down and I will cover it and its solutions fully in a later blog post on the subject of Dadolescent Rockers.

Careless Santana

My old band, Tambana, once had a gig at a yacht club in Cornwall in the U.K. The guitarist, Careless Santana, considered his small practice amplifier to be sufficient to play this gig. His thinking was that amp size doesn’t matter: the sound engineer can position a microphone in front of the amp and run the sound it captures though the big speakers of the P.A. system. This is true to an extent, but perhaps not when the amp is a very cheap one with a speaker measuring an unimpressive five inches, as was the case with Careless Santana’s amp. Despite the band’s reservations about his little amp, Careless assured us that all would be fine at the gig.

At the gig, Careless positioned his tiny amp on the floor beside himself. The top of the amp was at a level just slightly higher than the tops of my Dr. Marten’s boots.


Dave Perry was the sound guy that evening. At Careless’s request, Dave positioned a mic in front of the tiny five-inch speaker of the amp. When Careless was out of earshot, Dave did a funny impression of the microphone, looking left and right as if searching for something and saying “What am I supposed to do?”


That evening, Careless Santana’s guitar sound had all the warmth and charm of a handbag rape alarm.


Summary

As I mentioned in blog post #4 (Gear Nerds), musicians need to have some okay gear and know how to use it. See the end of blog post #4 for my advice on basic gear for guitarists to play local rock gigs.



(Some names of individuals and bands mentioned in this blog post were changed to protect identities.)


Mark Baxter (c) 2024

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    These blog posts contain info I would like to pass on to my music students when they form their first bands and start to play live gigs. I explain more here in my first blog post.

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